My mother, grandmother, and great aunt controlled what went on my body up until I left for college. Even in high school when I started to buy my own baggy, ill fitting, thrift store clothes, my mother would throw fits and say I couldn't leave the house looking like "that". When most parents were worried about their teen aged girls revealing too much skin, mine were more concerned that I was swimming in gigantic patterned shirts and high water pants. In my earlier youth I was often squeezed into dresses with bows, uncomfortable shoes, sweaters with kittens, and turtle necks. My teenage grunge rebellion was partly a financial necessity, a way to hide marks from my boy friend, and a stand against sweatshirts with Winnie the Pooh.

In college things changed.

I had made a few experimental videos with the family's old VHS camcorder while in high school, and in college it started to become my passion. My work became more experimental, and I started to use my body more and more. One day I was making a piece where I was entering myself in a local beauty pageant, and I needed a dress. Which was actually really exciting. My mother had basically picked out my prom dress, and I didn't normally wear skirts or dresses for a host of neurotic reasons. This was my big chance to pick out something that I loved and had no practical purpose other than to make me stand out in a crowd. Then, that's when I found it. It had no straps (scandalous!), it was kind of old (mid 1980's), and was covered in sparkley gold sequins (hello, world!). Something no one in my family would like, but that I had to have.

It was the first dress I bought with no one else's input, and felt like I totally owned it when I slipped it on. 10 years later, I still feel like a completely magnificent female creature in it. I love the way it catches the light and screams "I AM A GOD DAMN DRESS, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" It's a dress that makes no bones about what it is, and I really identify with that. When I put it on I feel like I can take over the world, and look like an extra from Pretty in Pink while doing it.

While I'm still mostly a jeans and tee shirt kind of girl, it has given me the confidence to wear other feminine attire in an everyday context (there will be no more pageants for me, thanks). This sequined monster of a dress was in some ways a gateway drug. It helped set me on the path to creating and embracing my own brand of girlie-ness. One that I cherish and continue to incorporate in my work as a performance artist.
-Alyissa